is the struggle really real?

I’m having a first world, privileged dilemma; hey, a girl is allowed to be dramatic from time to time. Cut me some slack. I’ve been trying to weigh the pros and cons between short and long term workacation planning and its stressing me the eff out. But is this all so serious? Is this even a struggle? I mean, its pretty much a vacation. That should be fun, right?

disclaimer- if this post is out of sorts, its because I’m high. ‘Beast mode’ is around the corner.

Dilemma

So here’s the dilemma, there’s actually two.

  1. When do we go- January 2020 or January 2021
  2. How long do we go for – 1 or 3 months

Writing then thinking about what I just wrote…I’m feeling pretty silly. This is like a dream for me – to be able to do this. I know many people who take month long vacations. I can’t believe I am even writing about this! Why am I so weirded. Why am I making this such a big deal?

I have co-workers who vacation for one month at a time. It’s nothing to do them. It’s really no different from taking four vacations a year. One month is no biggie.

For one thing, money is a big issue for me.

Let’s take Chaing Mai for example. If we were to go for a month costs would consist of:

  1. $2500 airfare
  2. $1000 accommodation
  3. $300 food (if even – I heard it’s pretty cheap there)
  4. $1200 bills at home

That’s $5000. It’s a lot when I think about how I am working less and spending more. But, this amount isn’t going to break the bank. It’s going to put a dent in things but we would be getting an adventure.

Bumblebae says if we go away for an even longer period of time, we would be making our airfare worth it. Airfare is the biggest expense and if we make it go further, the better. A long trip is more worth it (cost wise) than a couple of small trips.

eg. We’re going to a destination wedding in November and another wedding in Vancouver in a couple of weeks. These two trips that total 1.5 weeks is pretty much the same amount as us going away for one month. I mean, weddings are a whole different thing though.

Going away for 1 month this January is not a big risk at all. It’s an extended vacation for many. Like I said, so many people go on month long vacations. Honestly, I am ready to do this.

time and money is just part of the issue

I guess I am thinking that whatever we decide, it’s going to be a big leap for me even though technically its just a little hop. This is going to mean a lot of change. There may be serious reprecussions. But, there may be more benefits too. Who really knows. Won’t know until we try. Doing this test run is really about me and getting myself used to this change of lifestyle. I’m not even diving in head first. I’m wading in the waters. No, I’m just dipping my toes in to see how cold the water is.

Why am I stressing? Silly me.

I’m the person who can go to Iceland on a whim because flights were cheap. It doesn’t help when you have friends who are willing to travel with you. It makes the decision so much easier. I shouldn’t be having such deep thoughts about this month long getaway. But a vacation is a vacation.

major stresses

I’m stressing because work is affected. I won’t have a safety net of a job. I’m not coming back to a full time job. I won’t have a steady income. I suppose working 2+ days every 2 weeks for the time being is steady, it’s just not enough to pay all the bills.

I’m stressing because I’m scared because I am confused. Bumblebae says one thing and is getting my hyped up and then he flips and says his home office is really working for him right now. We look at different rental options in different cities, and then he starts talking about how he loves his home office. Sounds like he’s the one doesn’t know what he wants. Not me.

He knows what he wants though. That’s the thing. He see’s things differently than I do. He has a different mindset. A nomadic mindset. I have a homebody mindset. Does that make sense? He’s a go with the flow type person and I’m stuck in my ways. He knows that the move is going to happen. It will happen when he’s ready. He will be ready for it. I’m the one who needs answers now. I’m the one making things more of an issue than it really is.

…I hope Bumblebae is ready to have the same conversation all over again because I’ll consistently be bringing it up until we have a solid plan.

the talk that changed things

Aside from me starting the blog, what really got me to start thinking more seriously about the one month workation was a dinner we had with some friends.

There is this couple, a husband and wife team, who we had over a couple of weeks ago. They started their own company a few years ago. They thought about moving away and working on the road but then family became front and centre and they now think their time has passed and are staying put.

We started talking about my blog and how we both have parents snowbirding out in Arizona and then we came up with an idea! We would co-work during the day and then go hiking or just chill out in the afternoons. They were pretty excited about the idea and so was I.

This would be my first chance to try this digital nomad thing out. I know, its Arizona – not that foreign or exciting but it’s the easiest. Everyone’s parents and then some bought into real estate there!

I have never been to Arizona but I heard the hiking is pretty top notch. The excitement is starting to brew and I love it. I love thinking about future adventures. And to be able to do this with friends, a bigger bonus.

Bumblebae is a little more reluctant and I completely understand why. Digital nomads move when they want to move. They move when they feel like they need to move: for new ideas, new connections, change of pace, etc. If you’re in a groove and things are going well work and life, you don’t want to disrupt the flow. Right now, Bumblebae has his groove on and I don’t want to disrupt it. The better he does, the less I have to worry about money.

What’s going to end up happening is that we end up going to Arizona for one month in January. Even though Bumblebae may not be ready to go, he’s going to feel bad because he knows that I really want to go, and then I feel guilty, and then we decide to say, ‘fuck it’ and go.

winner winner chicken dinner

Is going away for three months completely out of the question for this year? No. I will have to revisit that when the time comes. But for now, one month is the winner.

Funny how I am the one who’s ‘convincing’ him and not the other way around. What I expected from him being a dn was that he would be able to to go at any moments time. It was true at one point..but not now… It’s like I’ve changed him!!!

He is now used to a great time zone, the colorful neighbourhood we live in, seeing family more often, and a personal home office that has multiple computer screens and microphones and lights. It’s kind of nerdy – but this he says, is working for him. He doesn’t know when he will be ready to leave. At this very moment, it is just not the right time.

Did we change brains? I’m becoming more like the travel minded him and he seemingly is becoming the more home-like me.

I want to leave when we are both comfortable. As much as I want to go, I don’t want to push him.

At the end of the day, is it really that stressful to decide between a 1 month vs 3 month workation? This is a dumb post because I I didn’t leave my title, ‘is the struggle really real’ open to discussion. I pretty much answered my question. No fun.

the struggle IS real, but not really

It’s funny how writing down my conundrums on paper/ typing into words, really helps me realize how stupid my thoughts and fears are. Wracking my brain for no good reason.

If you’re confused after reading this, think about how I feel: being pulled in different directions when I should just go with the flow. Did you not notice how I flip flopped with my thoughts: I’m ready to go, but only for a short period of time? I’m not ready to go because Bumblebae isn’t ready to leave. I want this to happen sooner than later. I’m impatient. But, I’m too scared with all the what ifs.

The ‘first world’ struggle is real for me because I want to have a clear and direct path. I want to have something to look forward to. Going with the flow is too much of a risk for the person I am. I just really need to ingrain in my head that the simplest answer is usually just around the corner. The struggle is the contrarian in me fighting against myself. I can see how being a contrarian annoys people now. I’ll work on that characteristic.

The last time I thought about this topic, I couldn’t sleep. The internal struggle was real. In the end though, I know things will work out. I hope things will work out. I’m sure I will laugh at how much time was wasted thinking about my stupid worries. And to think, yesterday this whole dilemma was sparked by the wanting to buy a julienne peeler…

Backstory: Bumblebae wants to buy julienne peeler.  I get mad because I know he's going to use it only a handful of times, if that.   He says, 'if it makes him happy for the time he is here, then he should be able to buy a $30 gadget.  I get more mad because all these little $30 items he wants adds up.  The amount of things he's bought for his office...omg.  Fair, it's his money.  Ugh.  I hate having 'stuff' in the house.  It's my cheapness and my minimalist OCD that's the issue. Funny thing: I'm probably going shopping later today buy purchase some heels for the upcoming weddings.

Last night I was working on this post on my couch while I was in ‘beast mode’. Today, I am at a local coffee shop alongside Bumblebae finishing it off with a chai latte . This life, I can get use to.

Location: Scout coffee + tea
Side note: While writing this...I accidentally closed this page without saving and now I 'm having to rewrite a bunch of paragraphs...Eff!!!  I had some pretty good ideas that I can't even remember cause I'm so jazzed about what just happened :(  Such is life.  I am now saving my draft every few sentences.  NTS: apparently the best solution is to write in Evernote (as it constantly saves your work) and then copy and paste over.
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NomadGirlfriend

Hey there, I'm Cristine (aka Nomadgirlfriend). I want to quit my job so I can travel more. I just need to figure out the digital world so I can start making money to feed my wanderlust with my digital nomad partner. I welcome you to join my on this journey of self discovery and new adventures!

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